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Stage 4: Re-Engage

Re-Engage with the other person first clarifying your goals (Stage 1: Motivation to Change).  Make sure both of you have the same goal: to resolve your differences while maintaining a relationship with each other.  Both of you have to trust that the other is not going to try to dominate over the other (WIN-LOSE) and that both of you are willing to take the risk of truly expressing yourself to the other (not practice the LOSE-WIN approach). 


Reconcile your differences maintaining reciprocal, accurate, and balanced perspective-taking:

  1. Reciprocal:  Take turns being the "expresser" and the "listener"

  2. Accurate: The "listener" should paraphrase what the expresser has said and check for accuracy by asking "Do I have it right?"

  3. Balance: Switch roles only after the expresser feels sufficiently understood and is ready to move on.

Note: this may take some time, so make sure you have the right time and place to do this.  If things get too heated, go back a step to the "Disengage" stage.  If you feel frustrated, go back the the "Motivation to Change" stage.  If things get worse, seek professional help.

Go to Stage 5

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