Every decision we make is the "best choice" given the information we have available to us at that time.  But what if the decision we make clashes with the decision made by someone else?  For instance, two people decide to have lunch together, but one person (A) wants to have Chinese, the other person (B) wants to have Italian -- a conflict between A and B: where to eat lunch.  

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There are 4 ways to resolve the conflict:

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1. DISENGAGE: A and B go have lunch where they want, but don't eat together. --A and B get along, but live parallel lives

2. LOSE-WIN: A suppresses what A wants, eats Italian with B.  --A's "Soft Clay" response

3. WIN-LOSE: A tries to suppress what B wants, tries to get B to eat Chinese with A.  --A's "Hard Clay" response

4. WIN-WIN (the Decision Triangle Solutions   method): A and B come to a mutually agreed-upon decision that is satisfying to both using accurate, balanced, and reciprocal perspective-taking.

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When you encounter a conflict with someone, ask yourself: which of these 4 methods am I using to resolve this conflict?   What's the impact on me and on my relationship with that person?

 

Go to Hardness of Clay quiz.

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